It’s been almost two years and I am slowly getting more comfortable in my role as a mother. I don’t think I will ever feel truly at ease in this position, never will I feel confident that I’ve got this.
After two years, in every other title I’ve held – from peon to management – I have felt confident, in control, complacent.
But not as a mother…
As a mom, I often feel like I’m floundering, sinking, sometimes even failing. I have moments of triumph and glimpses of greatness but more often have thoughts like these:
- Oh my God, I just gave my child her third popsicle of the day – and it’s only 11am.
- How much TV is my two year-old watching if I know every song on Disney Junior word for word?
- Jax has not eaten a single vegetable….in a week!
- I’m so tired of telling her to quit jumping on the couch, maybe if I ignore her she’ll stop…but what if she falls? Maybe then she’ll learn her lesson.
After typing those out I had a pang of guilt in admitting…in writing, that I am a terrible mother. But there is also a smidge of liberation, in acknowledging my faults so I can work on improvement.
It feels good to shout out that I’m not perfect…and it’s ok. My child will survive my shortcomings, my craziness, and my insecurities as a parent and possibly even be happier, be better because she had a loving, doting, yet imperfect and flawed mother.
If a great mother is always trying, constantly learning and aiming at perfection, then I do, in fact, have this covered. I may miss the mark entirely, I will lose endless battles, there will be periods of raging insanity…but the love and effort will be there.
And that’s what Jax deserves, what every child deserves – a mother who will genuinely do her best out of love and devotion, no matter, what for her offspring.
So to all you imperfect mamas out there – I applaud your efforts, I cheer for your faults, I respect your accomplishments; and so should you.
You are a Goddess, a creator of life. Perfect in all your imperfections.
Happy Goddess Day.